Tell it like it is      He gets up real early on his mornin' drive   Down to the office for his 9 to 5   He drives a 94' two tone economy car   Loves to tell the local bands down at the bar   That he's the critic, yeah I can hook you up   I know everybody in the business      He flunked junior high band he couldn't march in time   He tried to write a song once, but he couldn't make it rhyme   He learned 2 or 3 chords on a pawn shop guitar   He just never quite had what it took to be a star   So he's a critic I work for the gazette man   I got a real job      He did a 5 star column on a band you never heard   He did a bluegrass review without an unkind word   He thought it was time to ask his boss for a raise   His boss said I can't even tell if anybody's even readin' your page   yeah      So he thought and he thought a little more   He caught a young hot star headed into town   Then he hid behind his typewriter and gunned the boy down   Here come the letters, the emails, the he faxes   They raised him to 20 thousand dollars after taxes   He's a happy critic yeah   He's rollin' in the dough   Man I could do this forever   This is easy   They're all readin' my column   Please don't tell my mama   That I write the music column for the gazette   She still thinks, that I play piano down at the cathouse      Let's get funky with this now boys    Play it on   Come on Shannon   There's ol' Bill jumpin' in   Glenn's layin' it down   Come on Shannon   Aah My man Steve   Man my fingers are gettin' tired Ya'll gonna have to hurry   This snappin' thing wearin' me out   Theres ol Shannon guess he was on a coffee break   They're gonna love you cause they already love me   Yeah It's the critic