Drumgoole, my dear, I must admit   Your life's been one long pile of shit   I must be nuts, at least a bit   To want to be involved in it      But given the alternative   Who knows how we'd be forced to live?   When worlds collide, when worlds collide?   With you, Drumgoole, at my side   And at my side!   And at my side!      With worlds colliding in on us   Drumgoole must be trigamous   Pray, say we shall be man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      When worlds collide, the chivalrous   Drumgoole performs the frivolous   And dares to make it man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      That one's mine, he's my concubine   He'll get more out of me   Than what you peons call "love"   Hands off him, that one's mine!      Your favors do not satisfy   I've witnesses who'll testify   And though Drumgoole is thin of thigh   She's worth a try, she's worth a try      Though nature was not generous   Her breasts are not as pendulous   Yet still they would be man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      Now according to the law this week   Still evolving even as we speak   Any woman may, at her discretion   Have her pick of losers      Since the breed has dropped so in quality   We abolish, hereby, monagomy   If you don't quite fancy this selection   We've got lots more losers      I've seen all that I need to see   I've fallen for their flattery   And so we shall be man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      When world's collide, the rest of us   Won't be here with the best of us   For these, they shall be man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      Correct me, honey   I smell no money   And when the chips are down   You'll be back around this finger here   I never said that I was in love with you   I never said that I was not, my dear      Why must this girl have everything?   How quickly he forgets the sting   For though she feigns to please him   She is talentless except to tease him   Don't think we haven't noticed      We'll have a shower   And I'll allow her   She seems amused with you   It's so hard to keep her entertained   We'll all go "nudies"   And you can bring your friends   Just keep the one who's nuts for tits restrained!      My long term memory   Is not what it should be   Some tiny spark of love   Helps me find the proper words to say   Your smell of money   You filthy, lying bitch   Is just about to make me puke!   Go away   Please go away!   It's time to make us man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      We've simplified, no muss, no fuss   And vows are now superfluous   I just declare you man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      Wait a minute! Wait a minute!   Georgianna, get over here with that law book   Listen up everybody      I've the law book right in front of me   Article sixteen dash thirty-three   "When consenting adults shack together   They're connected legally"      Though he wants to eat and have his cake   There's a pact with me he cannot break   So the rest of you go rot forever   This one will stay here with me      When worlds collide, the devious   The cunning, and the mischevious   Our not-yet-happy-home divide   When worlds collide, when worlds collide      When worlds collide, this friend of us   Is forced to be a succubus   Cruel fate is not upon our side   When worlds collide, when worlds collide      Connie! Connie!   This urgent telegram is just in from Parliament   Well don't just stand there, let's gloat over it   Aw oh, I don't think you're going to like this   "Must clear the old regime' away   The residue must be destroyed   As of 9:00 o'clock today   Contracts with men are null and void"   What!      You're free, my boy, I'm proud to say   And so without further delay   I now declare you man and bride   And man and bride and man and bride!      When worlds collide, the least of us   May get to share the feast with us   For now we four are man and bride   'Til worlds collide, 'til worlds collide   We're men and bride!