RESTAURANT MAN   No please no,   Not tonight please no,    Mister,Can't you go,    Not tonight,    Can't have a scene.      ROGER   What?      RESTAURANT MAN   go, please go, you,   Hello sir,   I said no, important customer,       MARK   What am I, just a blur?      RESTAURANT MAN   You sit all night, you never buy.      MARK   That's a lie, that's a lie,    I had a tea the other day      RESTAURANT MAN   You couldnt pay!      MARK   Oh yeah...      COLLINS   Benjamin Coffin the third- here?       RESTAURANT MAN   Oh no!      ALL   Wine and Beer!      MAUREEN   The enemy of Avenue A, will stay      (they sit)      RESTAURANT MAN   Oy vey.      COLLINS   What brings a mogul in his own mind, to the life cafe?      BENNY   I would like to propose a toast,    To Maureen's noble try. It went well.      MAUREEN   Go to hell!      BENNY   Was the yuppie scum stomped?   Not counting the homeless, how many tickets weren't comped?      ROGER   Why did Muffy-       BENNY   Alison-      ROGER   Miss the show?      BENNY   There was a death in the family, if you must know.      ANGEL   Who died?      BENNY   Our akita      BENNY, MARK, ANGEL & COLLINS   Evita.      BENNY   Mimi, I'm suprised,    A bright and charming girl like you,   Hangs out with these slackers,    (Who don't adhere to deals)   They make fun- yet I am the one,    Attempting to do some good.   Or do you really want a neighborhood,   Where people piss on your stoop every night?   Bohemia, Bohemia is a fallacy in your head,   This is Calcutta, Bohemia is dead.      MARK   Dearly beloved,    We gather here to say our goodbyes.   Here she lies, no one knew her worth   the late, great, daughter of mother earth.   On this night, when we celebrate the birth.   In that little town of Bethlehem   We raise our glass, you bet your ass (maureen flashes hers) to   La Vie Boheme.      ALL   la vie boheme x4      MARK   To days of inspiration, Playing hooky,    Makin something out of nothing    The need to express-   To communicate,    To going against the grain,   Going insane, Going mad,   To loving tension,   No pension,   To more than one dimension,   To starving for attention,   Hating convention,   Hating pretestion,   Not to mention, of course,   Hating dear old mom and dad.   To riding your bike midday    Pass the three piece suits-   To fruits-   To no absolutes-   To Absolut-   To choice-    To the Village Voice,   To any passing fad.   To being an us for once,   Instead of at them      ALL   La vie boheme,      Gust The Women-   La vie boheme      MAUREEN   Is the equipment in a pyramid?      JOANNE   It is maureen      MAUREEN   The mixer doesnt have a case   Don't give me that face! [ass slap]   Hey mister, she's my sister!      RESTAURANT MAN   So thats 5 miso soup   4 seaweed salad   3 soy burger dinner   2 tofu dog platters   And 1 pasta with meatless balls   (eww)       COLLINS   It tastes the same!      MIMI   If you close your eyes      RESTAURANT MAN   And 13 orders of fries, is that it here?      ALL   wine and beer!      MIMI AND ANGEL   To hand crafted beers made in local breweries,   To yoga, To yogurt, To rice and beans and cheese,   To leather, To dildos,   To curry vindaloo,   To huevos rancheros,   And Maya Angelou,      MAUREEN AND COLLINS   Emotion, Devotion,    To causing a commotion,   Creation, Vacation      MARK   Mucho masturbation,      MAUREEN AND COLLINS   Compassion, To fashion,    To passion when it's new      COLLINS   To Sontag      ANGEL   To Sondheim       OTHERS   To anything taboo      COLLINS AND ROGER   Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham, and Cage      COLLINS   Lenny bruce      ROGER   Langston Hughes      MAUREEN   To the stage!       PERSON #1   To uta,      #2   To buddha      #3   Pablo naruda too      MARK AND MIMI   Why Dorothy and Toto,    Went over the rainbow,   To blow off Auntie Em      ALL   La Vie Boheme      MAUREEN   And wipe the speakers off before you pack      JOANNE   yes, Maureen,      MAUREEN   Well, Hurry back!      MR. GREY   Sisters?      MAUREEN   We're close.       OTHERS   Brothers!      ALL   Bisexuals, Trisexuals,    Homo sapiens,    Carcinogens,    Hallucinogens, Men   Pee Wee Herman,   German wine, Turpentine   Gertude Stein,Antonioni,    Bertolucci, Kurosowa,   "Camina Burna"   To apathy, To entropy,   To empathy, ecstacy,   Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC,   To no shame,   Never playing the fame game.      COLLINS   To marijuana!      ALL   To sodomy,    It's between God and me, to S&M      BENNY   Waiter, Waiter, Waiter      ALL   La Vie Boheme!      COLLINS   In honor of the death of Bohemia,    An impromptu salon will commence immediately   following dinner....   Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,   Will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance,   To the sound of iced tea being stirred.      ROGER   and Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary,   About his inabilty to hold an erection,   On the high holy days.       MARK   And Maureen Johnson,   Back from her spectacular one night engagement   at the 11th Street lot   Will sing Native American tribal chants backwards,   through her vocoder,   while accompanying herself on the electric cello,   which she has never studied.      BENNY   Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.      MIMI   Theres nothing to know.      BENNY   Don't you think that we should discuss.      MIMI    It was three months ago.      BENNY   He doesn't act like he's with you.      MIMI   We're taking it slow.      BENNY   Where is he now?      MIMI   He's right.... (uhuh)hmm...where'd he go?      MARK   And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet   devocative song   (Roger plays)   That doesn't remind us of Musetta's waltz.      COLLINS   Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris,   While accompanying herself,   On the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.      ANGEL   And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist,    Including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT   Virtual Reality equipment to self destruct as it broadcast the words,   Actual Reality! Act Up! FIGHT AIDS!      Benny:   Check!      MIMI   Excuse me, did I do something wrong?   I get invited and ignored,   All night long      ROGER   I've been trying, I'm not lying,   No one's perfect, I've got baggage      MIMI   Life's too short, babe, time is flyin'   I'm lookin for baggage that goes with mine      ROGER   I should tell you      MIMI   I've got baggage too,    Should tell you      BOTH   Baggage wine       ALL   and beer!      MIMI   AZT break      (MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, AND COLLINS take pills)      ROGER   You?      MIMI   Me   You?      ROGER   Mimi