Me and my buddy got us some wild hair   and figured we wanted to go somewhere   so we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet     We had a little bit of money and a whole lot to show with Hank Junior blarin' on the radio   we got a tank full of gas and we was on our way     We figured we go down to New Orleans   and we were barrelin' down ol' seventeen   when a man with a blinkin' red light was on our tail     He said "You were doin' sixty in a fourty-five   but I'm gonna let you go this time   but if I catch you again I'm gonna slap   you in the county jail"     We said "Thank you sir, you've sure been nice   you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"   and we were southbound and down with   the wind blowin in our face     We kept on rollin' and pretty soon   the radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune   and we were pullin into Houston   and checkin' out all them places     I was feelin' dry and I said   "I think we better stop and get ourselves a drink"   Ol' Jim said "Yeah cuz we got time to kill"     We kept on rollin' and I see this spot   and we pulled into the parkin' lot   with this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill     We walked through the door and the place was jammed the lights were low they had a punk rock band   and some orange-head feller singin' 'bout suicide     I said "Jim, this ain't our kind of place"   He said "Well lets just have one round anyways"   so against my better judgement we walked on inside     Went up to the bar and we sat down and   this feller walked up and said "I'll buy this round" and he sat down on the barstool next to Jim     He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy   he had lipstick on and mascara in his eye and everybody in that place looked just about like him     I said "Jim this ain't our kind of bar   let's go on out and get back in the car   'Cause there's gonna be trouble and   there ain't no sense in takin the chance"     We was gettin' up and gettin ready to leave   and somebody grabbed ol' Jim by the sleeve   It was this good lookin' girl   she was askin' my buddy to dance     I said "Jim don't do it, theres somethin' missin' There's fellers dancin' and fellers kissin'   there's a feller in a high   heeled shoe wearin' panty hose!"     He said "Partner I just cant turn this down   You just go on over there and have one more round   I'll dance with the lady and   we'll get on down the road"     So he walked away and left me alone   and this funny lookin feller kept comin' on   and he was makin' me mad with   some of the things he said     And then he put his hand on my knee   and I said "If you dont get your paw off me   I'm gonna locate your nose around   on the side of your head"     He said "I love it when you get that fire in your eye" I said "Well partner, try this on for size"   and I unloaded on him and he went out like a light     Everybody in that place must have been his friend   they all headed for me, I said "This is the end"   'cause where I come from we don't   give up with out a fight     They were screamin and yellin'   and scratchin' and clawin'   I was punchin' and hittin'   and kickin' and pawin'   I was holdin' my own cause   I've been in a scrap or two     Ol' Jim come runnin' up out the blue   and that gal he was with come runnin' up too   and persisted to beat on me with a high heeled shoe     I grab her by the hair and it come off in my hand   and that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man   and ol' Jim just got sick right there on the floor     He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun   smeared his lipstick made his make up run   and me and ol' Jim started   fightin' our way to the door     Man we let of there in that old Chevrolet   put her on the floor and it stayed that way   We was goin' down the highway doin'   about a hundred and ten     We was headin' for home and we was gettin' near   and then a red light come on in the rear view mirror and that same blame cop pullin' us over again     Well I'm sittin here in this county jail   and I had to call my daddy to send our bail   and I learned me a lesson I never will forget again     I done give up drinkin', I've given up bars   and runnin' around the country in souped up cars   and gone back to where the women are women   and the men are men    these lyrics are submitted by OarSmaN