My mouth was just as dry as the tampon dispenser   In the women’s bathroom at the oceanside bus station   A constipated woman barged in on me and said   Eeek! a boy! get out before I call queer nation!   But the police did arrive   And they said, what’s with this guy?    He’s been watching these women pee   Doin’ a study like he’s doctor leakey   Just to learn about love      But I want to learn about love   Yeah I want to learn about love   Yeah I want to learn about love   Can you show me today?       Well I walked into the adult bookstore   And my heart was beating louder than the drums at the tip of zimbabwe   They never taught me nothin’ ’bout this in catholic school   They only said if I was bad, I would incur the wrath of mr. yahweh   But the bodies were uncurled   And they screamed and moaned and hurled   And the boys was dressed as girls   And the women got splashed with pearls   And they said it was love      But I want to learn about love   Yeah I want to learn about love   Yeah I want to learn about love   Can you show me today?       Well I cruised the red light zone   But I still felt all alone   And I turned a nasty trick   And I drank till I got sick   I’m sick, I’m so sick, I’m so sick      Well I watched Oprah the other day   There were some mothers on the show that decided to screw their daughters’ boyfriends   The daughters were mad, and the boyfriends were glad   Because they got an education by burnin’ the candle at both ends   Oprah’s dress was canary yellow   And I think that she fancied that fellow   And the crotch in his corduroys bulged   And the truth it was soon divulged   When they taught us ’bout love      But I want to learn about love