Ol' Saint Nick's got burban breath   It's so cold you could catch your death    A cop sold me some crystal meth   It's a Merry Fucking Christmas      Everything's so Chritmassy   The streets are twinkling with frozen pee    My priest just sat on santa's knee   It's a Merry Fucking Christmas      All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em (brings 'em)   Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion   Crappy toys flying off the shelves    Midgets dressed up to look like elves    Spread good cheer or burn in hell   It's a Merry Fucking Christmas      All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em   Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion   Cracklin' fires to keep me warm   And my collection of asian porn   Cradle my bells and work my horn   It's a keep on truckin', last year suckin', midget chuckin', slap the puckin', how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin', Merry Fucking Christmas      HO HO HO!   Shut up! *slap noise*