Happy hour belongs to America's best-loved thugs   Here comes the 4-wheel prosthetic penises   Got yer gun racks, tractor tires and lynch mob drivers   We couldn't find a chick to sit in the middle   So we drink ourselves sick   Lean out the windows and pinch ass instead      We are the Goons of Hazzard   Glorified on your TV   We run down bikes and hitch hikers   And we know we'll get off scot-free      We're the vigilante heroes of your tough-guy flicks   Bashing punks and bums and fags   With our baseball bats   No deer to blow away in the woods today   So we go to Oroville and shoot a black kid down   Or waste demonstrators in Greensboro instead      We are the Goons of Hazzard   Glorified on your TV   We leave you in a pool of blood   'Cos we know we'll get off scot-free      Let's get him      C'mere   C'mere-   Say something to me?      We've got him cornered   We've got him cornered   Is anybody looking?   Does anybody even care?   No      Local papers paint us up to be big heroes   City fathers and Chambers of Commerce want us deputized   The stoner Gestapo keepin' your town clean   Get a shave, kid   We'll pay you as a strike-breaker   Maybe you'll make Tac Squad or L.A.P.D.      We are the Goons of Hazzard   Glorified on your TV   We leave you in a pool of blood   And we always get off scot-free.