The count has an eye on his ankle   And lives in a horrible place   He wants all your money   He's never at all funny   He wants to remove your face   And you might be thinking "What a romp this is!"   But wait 'til you meet his accomplices      When you see Count Olaf   you're suddenly full of disgust and despair and dismay   In the whole of the soul of Count Olaf, there's no love      When you see Count Olaf, count to zero   Then scream and run away   Scream, scream, scream   And run away   Run, run, run, run   Run, run, run   Or die, die, die, die   Die, die, die, die,   Run, run, run, run   Run, run, run, run   Or die, die, die, die, die   Die, die, die, die, die, die      Two women with powdered-white faces   And one long-nosed bald man with warts   Things worsen and worsen   There's a hook-handed person   And others with nastier parts   This evil and unpleasant crew   Completes Count Olaf's acting troupe      The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of   The fortune of urchins and orphans, hooray!   I mean, horrors! Count Olaf is no laughing matter      When you see Count Olaf, count to zero   Then scream and run away   Scream, scream, scream   And run away   Run, run, run, run   Run, run, run   Or die, die, die, die   Die, die, die, die,   Run, run, run, run   Run, run, run, run   Or die, die, die, die, die   Die, die, die, die, die, die