One-way system smooth and commendable   Go by bus - they're highly dependable   The swings in the park for the kids have won awards   The clean streets, acknowledged in the Lords      But what's a park if you can't see a linnet?   A timetable if your journey's infinite?   My bag's packed and I'm leaving in a minute   For what is Chatteris without you in it?      Car crime's low, the gun crime's lower   The town hall band's CD, it's a grower   You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce   Although there was a drive-by shouting once      But there's a brass band everywhere   And I don't drive, so I don't care   And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square :   "What's Chatteris if you're not there?"      Like a game bird reserve, short on pheasants   Weavers Cottages devoid of tenants   A market town that lacks quintessence :   That's Chatteris without your presence      Three good butchers, two fine chandlers   An indoor pool and a first class cake shop   Ofsted plaudits, envy of the Fens   Prick barriers at both ends      But what's Chatteris if you're not there?   What's Chatteris if you're not there?   What's Chatteris if you're not there?   What's Chatteris if you're not there?      What's Chatteris if you're not there?   What's Chatteris if you're not there?   I may as well be in Ely or St. Ives...