[Velma]   Front step, cha cha cha   Back step, cha cha cha   Side step, front step   Back and turn      [Tracy]   Oh my God, Penny, there's Link!   I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.      [Penny]   I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!      [Velma]   Front step, cha cha cha   Back step, cha cha cha   Side step, front step   Back and...      Oh Amber, look at this motley crew!   This town sure has gone downhill since I was crowned.      [Amber]   Oh, Mother, not more ancient history.      [Velma]   Oh my God    How times have changed    These girls must be blind or   Completely deranged       But time seemed to halt    When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs      Amber! That move is far too dirty.      [Amber]   Mother, wake up from that dream of yours.   This isn't 1930!      [Velma]   You can laugh, but life's a test   Don't do this, don't do that   Remember, Mother knows best      But the crown's in the vault   From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs      [Amber]   These steps are perfect ammunition      [Velma]   Let me show you how your mommy dear    Took out the competition      Girls, go get em!    Boys, let's rhumba!   2-3-4-5-6-7      Those poor runner-ups    Might still hold some grudges   They padded their cups   But I screwed the judges       Those broads thought they'd win    If a plate they would spin    In their dance    Not a chance!      Boys, put me down.   Oh, good morning ladies.   Let's see what you've got.      [Council Girls]   Twist, twist, twist, twist   Mashed potato, Mambo.      [Velma]   Ready? Begin.   On my show you'll never find   A thrusting hip or bump and grind      [Amber]   What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks?      [Velma]   You should have seen my bag of tricks!      Oh, I hit the stage    Batons ablaze   While belting Aida   And preparing soufflés      But that triple somersault    Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs.      Proceed...       [Tammy]   Are you scared we're on live?       [Tracy]   No, I'm sure I can cope!       [Amber]   Well, this show isn't broadcast in...       [Council Girls]   Cinemascope!       [Velma]   I never drank one chocolate malt    No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs      [Amber]   This one will never get a date   In those hand-me-down clothes      [Velma]   Kid, she'll never get a date    'Til daddy buys her a new nose   I would say 'oy gevalt'    If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs!      [Amber]   Do you dance like you dress?      [Link]   Amber, there's no need to be cruel!      [Velma]   Would you swim in an integrated pool?      [Tracy]   I sure would.   I'm all for integration.   It's the new frontier!      [Velma]   Not in Baltimore it isn't.   And may I be frank?      First impressions can be tough   And when I saw you I knew it   If your size weren't enough   Your last answer just blew it!      And so, my dear so short and stout    You'll never be in      [Velma & Council Kids]   So we're kicking you out!       [Velma]   With your form and your face   Oh, it isn't your fault    You're just down with a case of   Miss Baltimore Crabs!      [Velma]   You may go.      [Tracy]   Um .. thank you?      [Penny]   I think they secretly liked you.       [Little Inez]   Hello ma'am, may I please audition?      [Velma]   Of course not.   But you can bow and exalt!    'Cause I am Miss Baltimore Crabs!      Crabs, crabs, crabs!