I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero   I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go    And all their yucky, yucky facial hair and all their machismo   I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!       I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight   I'd sleep with women only, man, it would be great   I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate   I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!      I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke   I'd sleep with k.d. lang; Mel Gibson, take a hike    I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike    I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!       I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung   It shouldn't really matter how somebody is hung   Other things are more important, like how you use your tongue   I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!       I DARE Casey Kasem to play this!      I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero    I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go    And all their yucky facial hair and all their machismo    (I hate that machismo!)    I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!