Big and fat, here he comes   All his fingers look like thumbs   Mother dearest, look who’s here   It’s your long-lost loving son         Brush aside your fears   Look: he’s got his uncle’s ears   So he’s a little fatter - it doesn’t matter   A lot can happen in eleven years         And inside every fat man   Is another man who’s thin   Even his own mother wouldn’t recognise him         Why the dickens should I believe him   Has he given me one good reason?   Of course he hasn’t   If he’s the heir apparent   Appearances can be deceiving         Names are not important   Sir Roger Tichborne or Arthur Orton   From stealing cattle to an aristocrat   He’ll sell his soul to claim his fortune         And outside every thin man   Is another man who’s fat   Only a mother could love a face like that