The candidates met up in North Dakota   And they donned their black robes there in the chapel hall   They said a brief invocation to their cloven-hoofed prince   And they signed their names in blood on the vestry wall      In Christ you know there's neither high nor low   And the void will claim all creatures small or bright   Seal up the borders or let everybody in   In the order of the serpent, there'll be neither left nor right      And we pull down our blindfolds   And we reach out for the lever in the dark   Get a sticker for our shirts as we head into the sun   Proudly bearing the mark   Headed down to the ark      The applicants went down to Oklahoma   And they hired an accent coach to teach them the western twang   And several post-born babies learned the hard way:   Vampires only kiss you if they've sharpened up their fangs      And as Minnesota fell, so went Missouri   We met at VFWs in the snow   And we voted down the tax codes, and we voted down the war   Ao many names to choose from, just one way to go.