Jerry:   You're out of work, your pride is missin'   They call you jerk but you don't listen   You haven't got a pot to piss in   But you're a ... man      Your hands are rough, your back is hairy   Your talk is tough, your smell is scary   Here's what you're not - you're not a fairy   No you're a beer-drinking, real live man      And when the beef comes out you do the carvin'   You hate Tom Cruise but you love Lee Marvin      You're a man and that's a bonus   'Cause when you're swinging your cojones   You'll show 'em what testosterone is   'Cause you're a boot-wearin', beer-drinking   Chevy-driving man      (spoken)   Don't do it to be the most talked-about man in Buffalo. Don't do it for all the money you're gonna rake in. Don't even do it so your best friend can keep seeing his son, whom he loves more than life. Oh no - do it for yourself, Davie-boy. Show yourself the stuff you're made of. Don't show me.      Dave:   You get these plans. They always fail   You've been divorced. You've been to jail   You may be bold. You may be male   But you're a bum bum ba-dum...BUM   You got your dreams, you got your wishes   And I don't want to sound malicious   But you're a nut, and I got dishes -   I'm going home   See ya.      Jerry: (spoken)   You walk away now, but you'll be back. You know you're always there for me.      Dave: (spoken)   Not this time, Fabio. Jerry the Stripper...      Jerry: (spoken)   Surf's up, laides. Here comes Lukowski - the big kahuna - riding your pipeline. I'm hanging ten.      Stand back, ladies. It's quarterback Jerry, throwing a long ball right into your end zone. Touchdown! Wanna go for two?      Bases loaded. It's Bad Boy Jerry, swinging a big, a big ol' bat. B-b-banging one right at you, baby. BooYaa!      (sung)   I'm gonna jump straight up   Kick a hole in the moon   Don't know exactly where I'm going   But I know I'm gonna get there soon   I'll show you, I'll show them all   I'll show them all the real thing      What is a man? Why does he bother?   'Cause he's a man. 'Cause he's a father   He wants his kid, he wants his life   He wants to...   He wants to be   A man   A real man   Yes I am   I'm gonna be   I've gotta be      A real man with a mission   Like you see on television   I'm a real fine gen-u-ine   Man!