Jerry:   Take a look at this girl   That's everything I like   She got the face, she got the waist   She got the legs      Malcolm:   Naw, her tits are too big      Jerry   What are you, crazy?   Bodacious funbags are a must!   They gotta be C or D or better   They gotta post a threat to the sweater - ow!      She got the goods!   That's an eight or nine at least   She got the goods      Horse:   Let me see that   She has some irredeemable flaws. I give her a six.      Ah - now there's a ten!      Jerry: (spoken)   You call that a ten?      Horse:   Based on the booty      Jerry: (spoken)   What do you mean? It's huge.      Horse:   She got a butt like a battleship!   I don't need to look above the hip      (spoken)   She got that shelf kinda ass ... you could display your tchotchkes, your collectibles on there.      (sung)   Baby got back. That's a fact   You could park a wide-track Pontiac in that crack   Now that's the goods   The bigger the cushion -      Jerry: (spoken)   She's got a sofa-bed back there!      Dave: (spoken)   Well we just better hope the women are more forgiving than we are.      Horse: (spoken)   What is that supposed to mean?      Dave: (spoken)   If they're looking at us Sunday night the way we're usually looking at them, we're in trouble.      Nightmare Georgie:   Take a look at that Opie-looking jerk with the pigeon chest!      Nightmare Pam:   And I give that fat guy's ass a two   But I wish I had such voluptuous breasts      Nightmare Vicki:   And what about old Father Time over there?   Yeah, sure he can dance   But I didn't pay twenty bucks to look at   Red Foxx skip around in a pair of   Blue underpants      Women:   That ain't the goods      Dave: (spoken)   What happens when they say that?      Women:   This is not the goods!      Nightmare Estelle:   He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald   He's short   He's got pimples on his ass      Women:   He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald   He's short   He's got pimples on his ass      Men:   Women can be lovers   Women can be pals   Women can be modern types   Or sweet old-fashioned gals      Women can be angels on earth   But then again   Holy goddamn fucking shit...   Women can be men      Women:   He's fat, he's old, he's skinny   He's bald, he's short   He's fat, he's old, he's skinny   He's bald, he's short      Harold:    I've got pimples   All over my ass!!   Look at it! Jesus!   That ain't the goods      Women:   He's got pimples   All over his ass      That ain't the goods      Horse:   I feel extremely insecure   All of a sudden      Dave:   What am I doin' here?      Men:   What am I doin' here?   What the hell am I doing here      All:   This ain't the goods