I was riding on the Mayflower   When I thought I spied some land   I yelled for Captain Arab   I have yuh understand   Who came running to the deck   Said, "Boys, forget the whale   Look on over yonder   Cut the engines   Change the sail   Haul on the bowline"   We sang that melody   Like all tough sailors do   When they are far away at sea      "I think I'll call it America"   I said as we hit land   I took a deep breath   I fell down, I could not stand   Captain Arab he started   Writing up some deeds   He said, "Let's set up a fort   And start buying the place with beads"   Just then this cop comes down the street   Crazy as a loon   He throw us all in jail   For carryin' harpoons      Ah me I busted out   Don't even ask me how   I went to get some help   I walked by a Guernsey cow   Who directed me down   To the Bowery slums   Where people carried signs around   Saying, "Ban the bums"   I jumped right into line   Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late"   When I realized I hadn't eaten   For five days straight      I went into a restaurant   Lookin' for the cook   I told them I was the editor   Of a famous etiquette book   The waitress he was handsome   He wore a powder blue cape   I ordered some suzette, I said   "Could you please make that crepe"   Just then the whole kitchen exploded   From boilin' fat   Food was flying everywhere   And I left without my hat      Now, I didn't mean to be nosy   But I went into a bank   To get some bail for Arab   And all the boys back in the tank   They asked me for some collateral   And I pulled down my pants   They threw me in the alley   When up comes this girl from France   Who invited me to her house   I went, but she had a friend   Who knocked me out   And robbed my boots   And I was on the street again      Well, I rapped upon a house   With the U.S. flag upon display   I said, "Could you help me out   I got some friends down the way"   The man says, "Get out of here   I'll tear you limb from limb"   I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"   He said, "You're not Him   Get out of here before I break your bones   I ain't your pop"   I decided to have him arrested   And I went looking for a cop      I ran right outside   And I hopped inside a cab   I went out the other door   This Englishman said, "Fab"   As he saw me leap a hot dog stand   And a chariot that stood   Parked across from a building   Advertising brotherhood   I ran right through the front door   Like a hobo sailor does   But it was just a funeral parlor   And the man asked me who I was      I repeated that my friends   Were all in jail, with a sigh   He gave me his card   He said, "Call me if they die"   I shook his hand and said goodbye   Ran out to the street   When a bowling ball came down the road   And knocked me off my feet   A pay phone was ringing   It just about blew my mind   When I picked it up and said hello   This foot came through the line      Well, by this time I was fed up   At tryin' to make a stab   At bringin' back any help   For my friends and Captain Arab   I decided to flip a coin   Like either heads or tails   Would let me know if I should go   Back to ship or back to jail   So I hocked my sailor suit   And I got a coin to flip   It came up tails   It rhymed with sails   So I made it back to the ship      Well, I got back and took   The parkin' ticket off the mast   I was ripping it to shreds   When this coastguard boat went past   They asked me my name   And I said, "Captain Kidd"   They believed me but   They wanted to know   What exactly that I did   I said for the Pope of Eruke   I was employed   They let me go right away   They were very paranoid      Well, the last I heard of Arab   He was stuck on a whale   That was married to the deputy   Sheriff of the jail   But the funniest thing was   When I was leavin' the bay   I saw three ships a-sailin'   They were all heading my way   I asked the captain what his name was   And how come he didn't drive a truck   He said his name was Columbus   I just said, "Good luck."