She’s got my bathrobe flapping on a flagpole   She’s got my choir robe tangled in her concertina wire tattoo   And now my billfold is to water what a train wreck is to a rainbow   And I’m hottie bottled up inside the body of a red-eyed fool      I need a half a tank of gasoline   I need some chocolate bars, some nylons, some cigarettes and magazines   I need some raw meat   Some bed sheets   A window and a little less wind      CHORUS:   I’m doing battle with the Herculean shadow of another man’s sins   I’m doing battle with the Herculean shadow of her bathtub gin      She had me kidnapped, abducted, probed, and programmed   And now her mothership is skipping off the atmosphere with me inside   And all these implants are to water what a wiretap is to a sink trap   And I’m a hottie bottled up inside the body of her big brown eyes      I need a hammer and some Vaseline   I need some chocolate bars, some nylons, some Hagen Das and magazines   I need a steel trap   A road map   A thumbtack and a way to cut tin      CHORUS      She’s had her share of dancing bears and diamond-scarred blasé affairs   She’s had her share of dancing bears   She’s never here   She’s barely ever there      I need a q-beam, a mickey and a swat team   This whole Mcgyver-of-ill-advised-love thing just ain’t working out   And all this whipped cream is to water what a wildcat is to a wet dream   And I’m a model bottled up inside the body of a red-eyed clown      I need a half a tank of gasoline   I need some chocolate bars, some nylons, some ammo and some thorazine   I need a hacksaw   A golf ball   I’d gnaw my leg off but I’m running out of limbs      CHORUS