You're through to the Goth Detectives   Opening hours are midnight till dawn      If your after lifes defective   Then just call the Goth Detectives      Your best friends gone all zombie   And a poltergeist has called   Send us a cheeky email   Or just use your ouiga board      If your after lifes defective   Then just call the Goth Detectives      Black, black, blacker than black   We've been to the other side,    Now we are back   Super creeps and scary monsters   We are gonna feel your powers      Dracula and Frankenstein   Boys, we're your case   In a deeply gothic uniform   Of pvc, coal and lace      Don't be so selective   Call the Goth Detectives      Move away from the coffin   And close that fangy mouth   You with the cape   Put the virgin down or we use the garlic spray   We're not ...      If your after lifes defective   Just call the Goth Detectives      Black, black, blacker than black   We've been to the other side,    Now we are back   Pale, pale, paler than pale   The Goth Detectives are out on your trail      We have the mausoleum surrounded   Come out with any arms you still have up in the air   You may be undead but that doesn't mean we can't kick your boney arses      If your after lifes defective   Then just call the Goth Detectives      Move away from the invisible man   Theres nothing to see      If your after lifes defective   Then just call the Goth Detectives      Black, black, blacker than black   We've been to the other side,    now we are back   Pale, pale, paler than pale   The Goth Detectives are out on your trail      Black, black, blacker than black   We've been to the other side,    now we are back   Super creeps and scary monsters   We are gonna feel your powers      Just doing our jobs mam   Just doing our jobs