Your lover is a fucker    Your lover is a drunk    He’s no one’s favorite person    Not even his own mother’s   But that does not excuse him   For making us all suffer       Your lover is a fucker    And the fucker must be gone    Your lover is a bastard    Your lover is a beast    We all were having such a lovely time And then he bared his jagged teeth   He opened up his asshole of a mouth And all that angry shit came pouring out       Your lover is a bastard    And it’s time to do the deed   We are the pirates of the heart    We ride upon the open seas    We find the fuckers where they are    And then we bring them to their knees We show them pictures of their lives And we evaluate for free    We give them feedback    We give them feedback    We help them bleed       Your lover is a doorstop    Your lover is a pill    Your former lover was a prince    And most of us admire him still    You're saying this one is trying hard to change    But even you don’t think he will       Your lover is a bad man    And a bad man must be killed   We are the pirates of the heart    We ride upon the open seas   We find the fuckers where they are    And then we bring them to their knees We show them transcripts of the record Detailing each indignity    We hurt their feelings    We hurt their feelings    We help them bleed       And if you want to save him   This lover we all hate    We’re going to give you one last Stinkin’ chance to break it off    For heaven’s sake    We’ll give you until thursday 8 o’clock And you’d better not be late    Your lover is the devil a   And the devil doesn’t wait whom for?       For the pirates of the heart    We ride upon the open seas    We find the fuckers where they are    And then we bring them to their knees And when the deed is finally done    My dear you’ll realize that you love me – no me!    For I’m a pirate!    We are the pirates!    We rule the sea!