If you recieve an e-mail with the subject of 'Bad Times', delete it immediately   This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet   It will re-write your hard drive   Not only that, but it will scramble any discs that are even close to your computer   It will re-calibrate your refridgerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts   It will de-magnetise the strips on all your credit cards   Screw up the tracking on your VCR   And use sub-space field harmonics to render any CDs you try to play unreadable   It will give your ex-boy or girlfriend your new phone number   It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank   It will drink all your beer, and leave it's socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over   It will put a dead kitten in your back pocket of your good suit, and hide the car keys when you're late for work   Bad Times will make you fall in love with a penguin   It will give you nightmares about circus midgets   It will pour sugar in your gas tank   And shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy or girlfriend behind your back   And billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa card   It will seduce your grandmother   It does not matter if she is dead   Such is the power of Bad Times, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold dear   It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it   It will kick your dog   It will kick your dog.    It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice   It is insidious and subtle    It is dangerous and terrifying to behold   It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.   Bad Times will give you dutch Elm disease   It will leave the toilet seat up   It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub    And then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your new snowblower   These are just a few of the signs   Be very, very careful