I thought it was a joke when you called me up   And said you needed ironing   There were creases in your facial lining      Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights   A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright   Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see   So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me   Back to me, back to me      I thought it was a lark when you phoned my dad   And told him that you'd have to catch the measles   You're flesh was being ripped to shreds by weasels      Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights   A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright   Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see   So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me   Back to me, back to me      T'was on the Norfolk Broads   We were punting one day   You received a nasty bump on the head   And you've never been the same since needless to say   How I wish it could have been me instead   I wish it could have been me instead      I thought it was a prank when you wired the Pope   To say you'd a vision of an aardvaark   Who was perpetrating ghastly deeds with St Mark      Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights   A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright   Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see   So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me   Back to me, back to me