In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick   South street Romford shopping arcade   Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid   Inside my jacket, and away double-quick   Good sense told me once was enough   But I had a cocky eye on more of the stuff   Put the Razzle in my pocket back to have another pick      Instead of being sneaky, I strolled inside   I put my thieving hand on something rude   I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes   'Hold on sonny,' said a voice at my side   'I think you've taken one of my books'   Passers by gave me dirty looks   'Not me, mister,' I bravely lied      We stopped by the window of a jeweller's shop   'If it's money for your lunch, I'd have given you a loan   Have you got any form? Were you on your own?   Round to the station and we'll tell the cops.'   'I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash   Here's the book back, and here's the cash   I've never stole before, I promise I'll stop'      'Crime doesn't pay, you've got honest eyes   If we go to the law, another thief is born   And I'll get the book back creased and torn   So return what you've taken and apologise.'   I gave him back his nudey book   I said I was sorry; I slung my hook   With the Razzle in my pocket as the second prize