good evening i'm from Essex   in case you couldn't tell   my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay   and I'm doing very well      had a love affair with Nina   in the back of my Cortina   a seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener   she took me to the cleaners   and other misdemeanours   but I got right up between her   rum and her Ribena      well, you ask Joyce and Vicki   if candy-floss is sticky   I'm not a blinking thicky   I'm Billericay Dickie   and i'm doing very well      I bought a lot of brandy   when I was courting Sandy   took eight to make her randy   and all I had was shandy   another thing with Sandy    what often came in handy   was passing her a 'Mandy'   she didn't half go bandy      so you ask Joyce and Vicki   if I ever took the mickey   I'm not a flipping thicky   I'm Billericay Dickie   and I'm doing very well      I'd rendezvous with Janet   quite near the Isle of Thanet   she looked more like a gannet   she wasn't half a prannet   her mother tried to ban it   her father helped me plan it   and when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranet      so you ask Joyce and Vicki   if i ever shaped up tricky   I'm not a blooming thicky   I'm Billericay Dickie   and I'm doing very well      you should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been   the jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine      so you ask Joyce and Vicki   who's their favourite brickie   I'm not a common thicky   I'm Billericay Dickie   and I'm doing very well      I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse    kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness      my given name is Dickie   I come from Billericay   I thought you'd never guess      so you ask Joyce and Vicki   a pair of squeaky chickies   I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie   and I'm doing very well      oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch   with a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch      my given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay   and I ain't a sloutch      so you ask Joyce and Vicki   about Billericay Dickie   I ain't an effin' thicky   you ask Joyce and Vicki    and I'm doing very well