Can I touch you here?   May I search your bags?   You have randomly been selected   Got a funny name and you look the part   Plus, I like the way   You bulge in your clothes      Yehhhh I love my job   Rock bottom pay never felt so hot   Big man, uniform and badge   Pedophile Santas ain't got nothin' on me      I love to feel sexy things   Other people's sexy things   I love to peek at people's things   Other people's private things      When I was young and someone's guest   I'd find a way to sneak upstairs   Peek in the closet, paw through the drawers   And feel a tingle up from below      Oh, how I love to find   New playthings for my mind   I file these thoughts away   Until I go on break   When I can finally touch myself      See your shiny jewels   On your neck and wrists   They could be weapons   We must play safe      So fork 'em over,   Or you're under arrest   Maybe you should have checked them   In your suitcase      Meanwhile, down below   What have we here?   Let's open this one up   Pills! Cash! Electronics to fence   Let's see you prove they were there   In the first place      Who is that behind   The one way mirror blind   Just little ol' me   And my non-dairy creme   Gotta wipe it up and go select   Someone new   Wooo!