Winning the argument when you're a divorced dad in Family Court is not easy. But it can be done. I know, because I have done it, and have taught others how to do it too. Here's some of what I teach dads like you.



In my last article, I began sharing with you the nine principles from Gerry Spence's book, How To Argue and Win Every Time, and putting them into terms that apply to divorced dads in Family Court battles.

Every divorced dad needs to learn these tools in order to prepare himself to make the most polished sales pitch to the Family Court judge.

I'll recap the first five, then move on to the last four principles.

One: Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.

Two: Winning is getting what we want and helping others get what they want.

Three: Learn that words are a weapon and can be used hastily in combat.

Four: Know that there is a biological advantage of delivering the truth.

Five: Assault is not argument.

Moving along, let's take a look at number six: Use fear as an ally in public speaking or in argument.

It can be scary to be a divorced dad, facing the unfamiliar territory of family court. Don't let the fear cripple you. Instead, convert the energy of the fear and channel it into a positive result. Take your stage fright and convert it into positive energy by using mental conditioning, preparation, and rehearsal.

Don't walk into Family Court with no clue of what you will say or do. Rehearse by standing in front of a mirror or getting a group of friends together to listen to your pitch.

Learning to overcome those natural fears and anxieties means finding divorced dads who have had success. I suggest coming to our weekly calls to learn many ways to succeed in getting others to recognize your important role in your child's life. While it's not a substitute for legal advice, it is a great way to augment that with practical advice from the perspective of fathers who have already had success in Family Court.

In the meantime here's the next principle...

Number Seven: Let emotions show and do not discourage passion.

While you argue your case in family court, stay respectful but do not be afraid to be passionate. You are not fighting for your kids, but waging peace on their behalf. Do so with honesty and peace, and passion. LOSE your anger.

Number Eight: Don't be blinded by brilliance.

In other words, do not get caught up in your own rhetoric. If you get overconfident, you will lose track of where you are going, and you will ultimately lose your argument because you have lost the ability to remain objective.

Number Nine: Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the lack of vision within ourselves.

A divorced dad's only real enemy is not his ex-wife, the Family Court or even the Judge. The real enemy is your lack of vision within yourself. Stay focused. Never lose hold of the confidence that you can make a winning argument in Family Court.

During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That's why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.

If you've lost in Family Court, don't give up. There is always hope. You've likely lost because you didn't understand that winning requires effectively "waging peace" for your children.

If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.