The single most important factor in building and maintaining strong relationships is the frequency with which complements flow between the parties concerned. In fact, I have heard it said that one must complement someone five times more than he criticizes to build a strong relationship and keep it strong. Regrettably, I cannot say with scientific certainty whether the “complement ratio" is, in fact, five-to-one. Nevertheless, I believe this is an irrefutable natural law that works no matter the nature of the relationship, personal or professional. Your success in any relationship will be determined by your willingness to give complements, to help people see the good in themselves.
R&B singer Erykah Badu begins the live version of her song “Tyrone" by reminding her audience, “Remember, I am artist, so I’m sensitive about my (stuff)." We are all “artists" when it comes to our own lives. We need to hear good things said about us and we need to be the recipients of kind actions. Kind words and actions inspire, encourage and sustain us. Most of us do not enjoy the five-to-one complement to criticism ratio described above, which leaves us even thirstier for such kindness. Therefore, those with the ability and willingness to dispense kindness can be enormously popular (and powerful) people. Who is popular, important and influential in the desert than the only one with a jug of water?
The greatest of leaders, as has been demonstrated time and time again throughout history, are those who complement their followers. Sure, we all have a vision in our minds of the “tough love coach" that coaxes the best out of his or her pupils. However, let us not forget the successful “tough love" coach is equal parts “tough" and “love." The greatest leaders in any field do not abuse, demean or condescend to their followers. They provide a vision that demonstrates intimate knowledge of the hopes and dreams of those that follow. These great leaders assume and expect that the followers have the intellect and ability to execute the plan to realize the vision, if not help develop that plan. The great leaders make the followers feel better about themselves by engaging in the leader’s effort. An effective leadership, by definition, complements his or her followers. These great leaders help their followers achieve and, in the process, enhance their own legacies.
Similarly, the most sought-after individuals are those that complement those with whom they come in contact. The person with the largest personal or professional network is the one who can make each of us feel that he or she is speaking directly to our hearts, that we are the only one that matters. We feel is if we glow by standing in their glow. Why? They make us feel better by simply being around them. They help us see the most positive parts of ourselves. And in our effort to be in their glow, we will champion their causes, support their efforts and recommend them to all we know. The end result is continued success for this magnetic individual, the object of our affection.
All this power could be yours. All it will cost is the desire to spread positivity. All it requires is the willingness to help those around you see what is already within them, their best selves. The kingdom is yours for the taking if you are willing to give the people what they need.
Give People What They Want
His secret? We'll get to that in a moment but I'd like you to get to know a little bit about Jake first.
Jake ran both sales and operations for our company. He was and is a very unique individual and is doing quite well for himself now that he's off developing land. By the time Jake parachuted in to our company, he had already become something of a legend in our little part of the construction world.
Jake originally moved into my home town to open a branch office for his employer. He opened the office and proceeded to build sales to $20 million in just five years. And he virtually did it by himself.
He did the selling. He created the estimates. He organized the field crews. He ordered the materials.
The home office did run his accounting and he did have an ace superintendent to help him with the 10 pipe and dirt crews. But still, to do everything he did masterfully was almost inhuman.
Jake was and is incredibly efficient and incredibly smart. Jake had a handful of tricks he used and I would like to share one of the more unique tricks that he used to manage his clients and manage his cash flow.
Pay attention. Here comes the secret that I promised to tell you.
One time while we were sitting across his desk, taking a breather from the pressures of life, Jake mentioned that he doesn't sleep much. I went "what do you mean?"
"Well I only sleep about three hours a night."
I was like "How do you do that and more importantly, what do you do when you're not sleeping?"
He kind of chuckled and replied "It's not that I try to stay awake. I just start thinking about the conversations I'm going to have with my clients and crews."
He had my attention. "Tell me more, tell me more."
It turns out that he rehearsed conversations he was going to have with his client over and over in his head. He explored and practiced every angle a conversation might take.
He'd think about what the client might say in response to his attempts to get the client to do something.
"If the client responds this way, I'll say that. If I say this, the client might respond in one of three ways." Then he'd explore the appropriate answer for each of the client's three possible
responses.
He'd follow that chain of thought in his mind over and over through all the various possible twists and turns and multiple replies his client may have throughout the conversation.
Because he had run through each conversation multiple times, Jake was a master at controlling the real conversation, never being surprised by something someone said. Let me give you an example of how he put this to work.
Needless to say, Jake was brilliant at closing a sale. As he had thought through all the reactions the client might have to his statements, all the concerns the client might voice to his suggestions, and all the objections the client might raise, Jake could get them to sign on the dotted line with little to no
trouble.
He was never caught off guard. He was cool as a cucumber when the client tried to throw him a haymaker. Jake just went with it and redirected the conversation back to where he wanted it to go.
He wasn't using sales tricks. He was genuine, but was always a step ahead.
He would do this to get his clients to hire him, to spend millions of dollars with him. He would do this when he was bringing them horrible news such as "We've hit rock. It's going to cost you another $500,000."
The guy might have budgeted $1 million to develop his residential property and now he's going to spend $1.5 million to get the job done. Jake made sure he knew exactly what to say to keep the guy from bailing on him.
Conversations were like chess games to him. Chess games he played over and over in his head prior to actually starting the game live and in person. And he virtually always won.
I've been working on it myself and have found it to be quite helpful. When I practice, I become much more disciplined and effective in my interaction with prospects and clients.
So, if you really want to make great gains with your existing clients, close more sales, and get your own guys to work harder and smarter, I encourage you to give Jake's trick a little try.
Both Brian Mcclellan & Ron Roberts are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Brian Mcclellan has sinced written about articles on various topics from Leadership, Home Management. Brian McClellan is the cofounder and CEO of BAMSTRONG Presentations, the author of The Real Bling: How to Get the Only Thing You Need and a powerful motivational speaker. Prior to becoming an entrepreneur, he served as a vice president of sales with Geor. Brian Mcclellan's top article generates over 14800 views. to your Favourites.
Ron Roberts has sinced written about articles on various topics from Home Improvement, Home Improvement and Recreation and Sports. Ron Roberts, The Contractor's Business Coach, teaches contractors how to turn their businesses into money making machines. To receive Ron's FREE Contractor Best Practices Newsletter visit. Ron Roberts's top article generates over 14800 views. to your Favourites.
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