Most people want to succeed in a career that is more fulfilling and meaningful than what they have now. In addition they want to be happy and live a good life. Of course each person has their own take on how they envision this goal.



What is it that you want in your life? How do you picture your success? Can you describe your personal definition of success?

As you think about your vision of success do you find any worries and concerns bubbling to the surface? It's possible you have conflicting definitions of success simultaneously running around in your mind. Your internal conflict creates confusion and turmoil as you try to make progress toward a goal that's at cross purposes with itself.

As a way to explore what's happening within you, ask yourself the following four questions. As you answer the following questions, I encourage you to write down your answers so you can refer back to what you've written.

Four Questions about Success

1) From your perspective, what is society's picture of success?

2) What was your parent's definition of success for themselves? (You may have a different answer for your mother and father so write down both.)

3) What was your parent's definition of success for you? (Again, the messages - stated or inferred - may be different for each parent.)

4) What's your definition of success for yourself?

Making Sense of Your Answers

After you've written down your answers to these questions, read your responses again. What do you notice?

Keeping your responses in mind, look at the questions below to understand what you are learning about yourself.

1) Is your definition of success the same as or different from:

-- Your parent's picture for your success?

-- Your parent's sense of success for themselves?

-- Society's definition of success?

If it's the same, how does that sit with you? If it's different, how do you feel about that?

2) Think about your life--how much do these other definitions of success impact how you think about your life and the actions you take in life?

-- Are you troubled or worried about not living up to someone else's definition of success?

-- Do you worry about what others think of your choices and decisions?

-- Do you feel supported by the other definitions of success?

-- Do you see elements of success within yourself that are in conflict?

3) Do you believe you deserve to reach and live your picture of success?

-- If not, what's standing in your way?

-- Is so, what's your next step?

If you've been living under someone else's definition, how can you revise your own definition of success so that it more truly reflects who you are and what you stand for?

What to Do Next

There are numerous ways these messages weave their way into your thoughts and actions. Growing up in your parent's household meant that their messages surrounded you day in and day out for most of your youth. At first it's hard to see the impact these definitions have on you today, but once you start to see them, you begin to notice how they (or your rebellion to them) are entwined in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

As you become more aware, consciously uproot the outdated ideas and nurture the ideas you want to live by. Over time as you peel away the old conflicting messages you'll have more energy to create the life you dream of.

Depending on your situation, you may not be able to turn this around in one sitting, but sometimes a very small insight can be the thread that begins to unravel a puzzle that's troubled you for a long time. Keep following the thread of insight to discover your new future.

Copyright 2006 Transition Dynamics Enterprises, Inc.