The lack of self-confidence can prevent you from achieving your dreams and living the life you really desire. In order to live your dreams, you need to have healthy self-confidence--that is, while you don't delude yourself, you fully realize your own value, talents, and intelligence. The good news for you is that the lack of self-confidence is learned and, therefore, it can be unlearned.



To start the process of regaining your self-confidence, you have to start by working with your negative thoughts.

? One of the worst negatives is all-or-nothing thinking. You might come to believe that you are not worthy of having anything you desire because you haven't reached a certain goal. With all-or-nothing thinking you have to be "perfect" or else you don't allow yourself to have anything at all. In your own mind, there is no credit for your efforts. You are not making any progress. You simply "are" or you "are not". Well, that's not reality.

? Stop labeling yourself. Life is like a bottle of fine wine. Everybody reads the label, but few actually take a drink. You are who you are; you are not this or that. You are not your religion, you are not your past, you are not your job, you're not even your name.

? Work on your fear of criticism. When you fear criticism you become paralyzed. You will not take the risks that all successful people take. Be independent of the good and the bad opinions of others. Listen to the critiques of others, but do NOT be controlled by them.

? Be aware of your strengths. Take a sheet of paper and make a list of ten positive traits about yourself. Then, write a complete sentence about each one of them. For instance, write "I am a loving, attentive mother" or "I am problem solver" or "I always look for solutions instead of obstacles". This way you will become more aware of how you manifest those traits. Do this exercise every day for at least a week.

? Take care of and appreciate your body. Eat healthy and groom yourself well. Stand in front of the mirror and instead of paying attention what's wrong notice what's right about your appearance. If you really don't like something, change it if you can. If you truly can't change it (such as your height) find the beauty in it.

? Stop blaming and complaining. To complain and blame means to not responsibility for what is happening in your life. People who often complain try to build themselves up by putting other people down. There is nothing self-confident about that at all. It's the easy way out and solves nothing.

? Recognize the "dark side" of perfectionism. Striving for greatness is a wonderful trait, but if you try to be perfect you'll paralyze yourself just as with all-or-nothing thinking. Also, it's possible to use perfectionism to get out of personal responsibility. If you set your sights on an objective you cannot achieve, it becomes easy to say "well, I couldn't get that far so I gave up". All failure begins with quitting.

Stop using excuses to let yourself lack self-confidence. All you're doing is slowly killing yourself and avoiding your duty to your own self.