An individual who feels genuinely valued will go to the extra distance for the person or scenario responsible for creating this uplifting sensation. Effectively-communicated appreciation is a win/win scenario in every respect. Yet many of us neglect this fundamental key to fun, healthy, burgeoning relationships?



What better time than near Thanksgiving to explore appreciation, gratitude and the rewards of a well-placed "Thank you? "

To more fully understand it's impact, think of the result of not feeling valued. This happens in relations across the board—affiliations, marriages, mother/father/child, friends. Divorcees often tell me: "Because I didn't feel appreciated any more, I simply quit working on our relationship."."

Appreciation is a simple thing. It doesn't take more time. The key is to have it be a way of living, not merely a tool to pull out when convenient and, secondly, communicate it in a way that is heard.

Showing authentic appreciation to someone in a manner in which they really 'get it' is a true art. Here are what I believe to be the crucial elements.

Genuineness. You cannot fake appreciation. It must come from your heart. If you are not honestly appreciative when acknowledging another, it comes off as being manipulative. People can see the difference.

Perspective. Sometimes in order to value those closest to you, you must step back. See the larger picture. How has this individual contributed to your success, joy, or well-being? Take time to gain perspective, to get a reality check, or to ask others to help you more clearly understand this person's contribution.

Communication. Enter Mars/Venus. How do you communicate appreciation in a manner in which it is heard? How often? A male may say, "I told you I appreciated your cooking in 1997. What's changed since then?" A woman sees each dish she cooks as a work of art, and she' like to be recognized for this. Periodically ask "Do you know how much I value you?" Listen intently and learn from their response.

Delivery. There are many forms of communication—verbal acknowledgement, written notes, gifts, public acknowledgements, private surprises. Consider what will be best heard by your recipient. The key is that they hear you. Stretch beyond your comfortable zone. Remember, I'm all about stretching you!

Consider these quotes as you ponder artful appreciation:

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." Mother Teresa

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone." Gladys Browne Stern

How can you enrich relationships through artful appreciation this week? Write out what you treasure about each person with whom you'll interact through your professional or personal pursuits. When you see them you'll be prepped to sincerely deliver your message. Will they ever be surprised! Learn from their reactions.

Why not broaden your artful appreciation focus into the entire holiday season. In writing your holiday greetings, add a new twist: a note about what you appreciate about the recipient. You may be surprised at how great this makes you feel as well.

Next time, we'll explore the art of 'hearing and accepting' appreciation when it is directed toward you. This is something in which few of us are accomplished. Enjoy your discoveries and have a warm, wonderful, appreciative harvest season!