When you have emotional safety, it's palatable. You can feel it in every fiber of your being. When it's missing, you may feel its loss. Or, you may simply know of it not being there by the presence of these five glaring signs of emotional abuse.



1) Not honoring your privacy

If something is in a drawer, it's in a drawer out from public display. Someone having no business in that drawer may be drawn to explore its contents. And further, this uninvited explorer may take issue with what is discovered. Beware of these signs of emotional abuse.

2) Not respecting your boundaries

If you say "no," will it be the end of a discussion or the beginning of a negotiation? When "no" means "maybe" and becomes a challenge to convert into a "yes," beware of emotional abuse! You may be enticed to surrender your personal preferences simply to divert the consequences of your failure to comply.

3) Not appreciating your experience and/or your feelings

If your inner world is not noticed, or factored into decisions involving both of you, beware of this non-empathic partner. Your inner world may interest him or her when, and only when, it serves their needs. Having an interest in your experience merely because it's an expression of you is not to be expected with an emotional abuser.

4) Not being willing to have mutual involvement in your interests

Mutual involvement doesn't mean equal time doing your interests verses theirs. Rather, it is reciprocal "interest" (or acceptance) in that which interests you. The emotional abuser does not show an interest (or awareness or understanding or involvement) in your interests because these activities or things please you. Instead, he or she shows an interest only as it serves him/her.

5) Not honoring you for who and what you are

Intentionally seeking to alter who and what you are to suit one's own preferences, rather than accepting you as you are, is the most glaring of these signs. (Be mindful of the distinction between someone's efforts to alter you to suit their needs verses offering constructive criticism to contribute to your growth.) The emotional abuser will seek to mold you to become who and what they desire.

While each one of these undermines your sense of emotional safety, in combination they make it impossible. If you encounter this cluster of signs, you are probably looking at an emotionally abusive relationship. Seek to understand the constellation of symptoms defining intimate partner abuse before the emotional abuse spirals out of control.