We are pretty uneducated when it comes to the ways of communication in relationships. Most of the time the way we talk to each other can cause negative triggers instead of feel good states and resolution to problems.

Tantrics know things about creating a connection before talking, so that there is a better likely hood of both parties getting what they want. Consequently as the practice of connection strengthens the bond of the couple, the talking part triggers each party less and less.

Old programming from our childhood coupled with our natural bio-chemical responses make communication a mine field even for the most "together " people.

When you were young you grew and learned by modeling those around you, primarily your parents. Can you think back to how your parents talked to each other? Did your mom talk at your Dad, and your Dad read the paper and grunted at her as a response? Or did every little conversation result in an all out yelling contest?

These models have impacted your ability to communicate today. But deeper than even the role modeling and programming is your biology.

There are fewer things that make a relationship go down hill fast for most men, than a woman wanting to "share feelings". Telling each other the truth and being frank has some serious drawbacks as well.

Chemically men are not wired the way women are, and especially when it comes to talking and expressing emotions. Discussion, is an almost sure fire way to destroy an attempt at communication. The new research about the male mind makes this quite apparent.

It is interesting that we are taught that talking solves problems between couples. After all what is the first thing we do when our relationships are in trouble? We go to marriage counseling, or talk therapy and women spill their guts and men withdraw more. Most traditional couple's therapy does not have a high success rate.

Candid talking from women to their men usually makes whatever is wrong quite a bit worse. As women we need to forget what we think works. Our men are not our girlfriends and they respond very differently to our heart filled talks.

As women we are comfortable talking about every little thing that we think about. We know that mostly we need someone to hear us thinking out loud. When we do this with our girlfriends they understand that we are not necessarily in crisis. We are just downloading information and once that is on the table, our friend can respond and we are good to go. No major upheaval.

To men his partner talking sounds like a laundry list of problems that can not be solved at that moment and are directly related to his performance.

In part two we will take a look at the biology that is hindering communication and making even the best relationship likely to fail, and ways to make things more successful.