With nowhere to go (it being early December), I took my family to Maui, and here we are at this expensive resort that overlooks the beaches.



Every day I look out of my window I see sunshine. There is never more than a single cloud in the sky. The palm trees sway so gently it is as though they are not being pushed by the wind - rather they are dancing softly under the sunlight. The sandy beaches glow in front of the bright blue ocean, and each sunset is a rainbow of colors across the horizon.

Here in Maui, the women rarely wear more than a small bathing suit as they spend their days basking in the sun's rays. The men walk barefoot across the sidewalk, sporting nothing but board shorts and a baseball cap.

Yes, Maui weather is always warm, fresh and comfortable. And I hate it. I can't stand it anymore. I should have stayed in Washington.

To me, nothing is more exhilarating than sharp, freezing rain whipping against your face as you walk home from a long day at work. Those shooting pains are just what I need to wake me from my morning stupor, and the workout I get running to my car holding a soggy newspaper over my head helps me keep my body in shape.

The bright sandy beaches are an eyesore to say the least. I'm not a nihilist by any means, but to me, there is nothing more soothing than dark, wet concrete. Nothing screams "I'm happy to be here" like good old fashioned black mud.

Now many people that visit Maui claim that they love the weather. They love how the temperature is always perfect, and how the wind always offers a nice, cool breeze. But I'm here to tell you that "perfect" is in the eye of the beholder.

I, for one, love the cold. I get to wear my college hoodie, curl up in several blankets and watch reruns every day. I get to spend my time locked up in my house because snow has blocked the exits, or because community radio ordered a winter warning in effect due to severe floods and thunder showers. More time to bond with the family. I don't work to spend time enjoying the sun. I work so I can sit at home in front of a TV.

My kids love to stay inside too. They do not have to risk injury playing exciting sports or going on fun adventures. Instead, they can sit in front of the computer all day and play World of Warcraft, bonding with complete strangers over the internet. The more time they spend in the sun, the more time they are not spending getting to know modern technology, like the computer or the television. Kids need this exposure if they're going to grow up to be computer programmers. That's where the money is these days.

Still, the Maui nightlife is by far the worst offender. Night time is meant to be cold and gloomy - but with Maui weather, every night is as warm as the day. No one wants that. They want an excuse to fight over the covers. That's how my wife and I keep our relationship strong.

If you like warm weather, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, perfect skies and only the right amount of wind, then sure - you might like Maui.

But if you're like most regular people and enjoy the occasional hail storm or flood - a person that likes to spend most of your day fondling the thermostat, trying to get the right temperature as you place bowls on the ground where your roof is leaking, you're going to want to visit elsewhere. Like Milwaukee.