He's been trying with limited success    To get this girl to let him get into her pants   But every time he thinks he's getting close   She threatens death before he gets a chance      And that's the way it is in Minnesota   And that's the way it is in Oklahoma   That's the way it's been since protozoa   First climbed onto the shores of California      And she's been trying with limited success   To get him to turn out the lights and dance   Cause like any girl all she really wants   That fickle little bitch romance   That fickle little bitch romance      And that is why a girl is called a tease   And that is why a guy is called a sleaze    And that's why god made escort agencies   One life to live and mace and GHB      And that's the way it is in Minnesota   And that's the way it is in Oklahoma    That's the way since the animals and noah   First climbed onto the shores of California      Must not be too kind   Stop thinking love is blind   Clench your fists yeah write   “She's just not my type...”      Why all these conflicting specifications   Maybe to prevent overpopulation   All I know is that all around the nation   The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating   The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating      And that's the way it is in Minnesota   And that's the way it is in Oklahoma   That's the way aristophanes and homer   Wrote the Iliad and Lysistrata      And that's the way it is in Minnesota   And that's the way it is in Oklahoma   That's the way it's been since protozoa   First climbed onto the shores of California