(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let's tell them a little story    about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell 'em 'bout    Christmas)      Christmas Eve, I didn't get much sleep   I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney   Who could it be?      (I'll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what    happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to    sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep)      And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes   A whale of a corpe with a long white beard    Was dangling over the fire      oh, Santa he's a big fat fuck   Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck   Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast   'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass   hey, hey, hey      (Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell 'em what you saw,    tell 'em what you saw grandpa)      I gotta tell you folks,    He wasn't wearin no clothes   He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil   from his back down to his toes   While I was talking to the cops outside   The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs   They hauled him away in a double-wide   What a sad, sad way to die   Hey, hey, hey      Santa, he's a big, fat fuck   went down the chimney, got his fat ass   oh, honey call the lawyers fast,   Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass