Well I thought about the army   Dad said, son you're fucking high   And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything   So I took my old man's advice   Three sad semesters   It was only fifteeen grand spent in bed   I thought about the army   I dropped out and joined a band instead      Grew a moustache and a mullet   Got a job at Chick-Fil-A   Citing artistic differences   The band broke up in May   And in June reformed without me   And they'd got a different name   I nuked another grandma's apple pie   And hung my head in shame   Oh      I've been thinking a lot today   I've been thinking a lot today      Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay   Oh, I think I'll take it to LA   Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday   Aw, Shit      In this time of introspection   On the eve of my election   I say to my reflection   God, please spare me more rejection   'Cause my peers they criticize me   And my ex-wives all despise me   Try to put it all behind me   But my redneck past is nipping at my heels      I've been thinking a lot today   I've been thinking a lot today   I've been thinking a lot today   I thought about the army...