Ho, ho, ho, play it grandpa   Yeah, play it, let's tell them a little story   About what happened this Christmas   Yeah, tell them, tell 'em 'bout Christmas      Christmas eve, I didn't get much sleep   I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney   Who could it be?      I'll tell you what it was   What happened then, Ben? Yeah, what happened?   Well, I went back to sleep   You went back to sleep? Back to sleep?   Shit tired man, went back to sleep      And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes   A whale of a corpe with a long white beard   Was dangling over the fire      Oh, Santa he's a big fat fuck   Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck   Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast   'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass   Hey, hey, hey      Okay grandpa, step up   Sing in this thing right here   Tell 'em what you saw   Tell 'em what you saw grandpa      I gotta tell you folks   He wasn't wearin' no clothes   He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil   From his back down to his toes      While I was talking to the cops outside   The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs   They hauled him away in a double wide   What a sad, sad way to die   Hey, hey, hey      Santa, he's a big, fat fuck   Went down the chimney, got his fat ass   Oh, honey call the lawyers fast   Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass