I wouldn't be glad, wouldn't be sad   I wouldn't be good if I knew that I couldn't   I hate to go but I must you know      Duty calls, Niagara Falls   See it go down as it falls on the ground   And gets up again at the count of ten   I would like everyone here to repeat after me      Something of which I know nothing about   Namely that which I will tell you   That which I will tell you      I'm going to school, breaking a rule   I'm going around in a pitiful frown   'Coz I didn't pass, came   Bottom of the class, oh what a shame      Teacher was mad, so was me dad   Took off his belt and without any help   Really hit me hard where I'd stuck a card   Thick I may be but a fool I am certainly not      Always remember the golden rule   When in no doubt get a card out   And while you're there how about   Fetching me one of those pneumatic drills      Boy, I really love the sound that they make   So good for the pains and aches   Of life in general, don't be such a miser   At the most a fiver's all you pay      Many's the time, I have wondered about what it is   Why wouldn't you want to repeat after me?   Something I know you know I know   Something I know you know I know      I wouldn't behold, wouldn't be cold   I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my   Dear old mum and dad, the fun they had   Early one night, dad put out the light      Got hold of me mum, said he wanted a son   And as you can see, the result was me   Somebody told me once   Money does not grow on trees      Well if that's true then   How do you explain   Apples, oranges and lemons?   Not forgetting melons      No, no, no   No, no, no   No, no, no   ...