"This book deals with epiphenomenalism w   hich has to do with consciousness as a mere accessory    of physiological processes whose presence or absence...    Makes no difference... Whatever are you doing?"      Aphra Benn: Hello   Cervantes: Donkey   Daniel Defoe: To christen the day!   Samuel Richardson: Hello   Henry Fielding: Tittle-tattle Tittle-tattle...   Lawrence Sterne: Hello   Mary Wolstencraft: Vindicated!   Jane Austen: Here I am!   Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed!   Leo Tolstoy: Yes!   Honoré de Balzac: Oui...   Edgar Allen Poe: Aaaarrrggghhhh!   Charlotte Brontë: Hello...   Emily Brontë: Hello...   Anne Brontë: Hellooo..?   Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi   Gustav Flaubert: Oui   William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me 'William Makepeace Thackeray'   Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 'A'   Herman Melville: Ahoy there!   Charles Dickens: London is so beautiful this time of year...   Anthony Trollope: good-good-good-good evening!   Fyodor Dostoevsky: Here come the sleepers...   Mark Twain: I can't even spell 'Mississippi'!   George Eliot: George reads German   Emile Zola: J'accuse   Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton!   Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr!   Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer...   Katherine Mansfield: [cough cough]   Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James!   DH Lawrence: Never heard of it   EM Forster: Never heard of it!      Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all honesty can call today his own;   He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I want to live today'      James Joyce: Hello there!   Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind!   Marcel Proust: Je me'en souviens plus   F Scott Fitzgerald: baa bababa baa   Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the....   Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so häßlich   Evelyn Waugh: Whoooaarr!   William Faulkner: Tu connait William Faulkner?    Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls   Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black!   Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the dome, Simone!   Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present   Albert Camus: The beach... the beach   Franz Kafka: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!   Thomas Mann: Mam   Graham Greene: Call me 'pinky', lovely   Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down...   William S Burroughs: Wowwww!      Happy the man, and happy he alone who in all honesty can call today his own;   He who has life and strength enough to say 'Yesterday's dead & gone - I want to live today'      Kingsley Amis: [cough]   Doris Lessing: I hate men!   Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl...   William Golding: Achtung Busby!   JG Ballard: Instrument binnacle   Richard Brautigan: How are you doing?   Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews   Ivy Compton Burnett: Hello...   Paul Theroux: Have a nice day!   Günter Grass: I've found snails!   Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad!   John Updike: Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run...   Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap!   Malcolm Bradbury: stroke John Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger   Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows!   AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know...   Martin Amis: [burp]   Brett Easton Ellis: Aaaaarrrggghhh!   Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either...   Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa   Roddy Doyle: ha ha ha!   Salman Rushdie: Names will live forever...