"Are you all settled in? Right, then we can begin. My name is..."   "ALFIE!"      Once there was a time   When my mind lay on higher things   And once there was a time   I could find pretty words to sing   But now, well now I find   It saves time to say what you mean   I know it seems so unrefined   But it's time to let off some steam      Oh come on!   Everybody knows that No means Yes   Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.   But the more I look through them the more I see   I'm becoming more like Alfie      Once there was a time   When a kind word could be enough   And once there was a time   I could blindfold myself with love   But not now - now I'm resigned   To the kind of life I had reserved   For other guys less smart than I   Y'know - the kind who will always end up with the girls      And besides   Everybody knows that No means Yes   Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S.   But the more I look through them the more I see   I'm becoming more like Alfie   Oh come on!