Through a long and sleepless night   I thought upon the jury's plight   If what is wrong can feel so right   then life's no longer black and white   It's four o'clock and all's not well   in my private circle of hell   I contemplate my navel hair   and slowly slide into despair   This rut has fast become a trench   This smell has turned into the stench   of rotten dreams and stale ideals   The past is snapping at my heels   Oh Danny boy the pipes are blocked   with bedtime blues and future shock   I know the best is yet to come   but does it always take this long?      I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes   But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride      You deserve to be horse-whipped   But I've no horse, that joke's so shit   And whips would only make it worse   Don't tempt the lonely and perverse   The casualties of casual sex   The child of three with x-ray specs   The conman low in self esteem   The Casanova in your dreams   I'll scream and scream and scream until   I've made myself critically ill   in hospital, in case you're there   in uniform, intensive care   I know you'll be the death of me   but what a cool death that would be   I'd rather die than be deprived   of wonderbras and thunder thighs      I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes   But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride      Bored of normality? why not go daft?   It's easy to do if you try   Slide right back down that self-confident path   you've just so laboriously climbed   Pickle your liver and addle your brain   Live the Bohemian life   Die young and penniless somewhere in Spain   Then again you could try just to live your own life   In the way that you find most amusing   I don't really care!      I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes   But I will always be the bridegroom and I will never be the bride   Never be the bride