If I was with a woman, she'd wonder what was happening   Little things would slowly go askew   If I was with a woman, I'd make her quite unhappy   Specially when she did not want me to      If I was with a woman, I'd make believe I loved her   All the time I would not like her much   If I was with a woman, she'd soon become unsettled   I'd show her but I would not let her touch      Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Laughing, laughing      If I was with a woman, I'd never ask her questions   But if she did not want me to I would   If I was with a woman, I'd offer my indifference   And make quite sure she never understood      Oh, if I was with a woman, I'd threaten to unload her   Every time she asks me to explain   Oh, if I was with a woman, she'd have to learn to cherish   The purity and depth of my disdain         Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Laughing, laughing      I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit   No woman's coming close to me again   Oh, I've been with a woman, she took away my spirit   No woman's coming close to me again      Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Look at them laughing   Laughing, laughing