Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean   All you can give is a spin in your washing machine   I fly off to Rome to my prima bella   She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella   Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain       I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell   But the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell   For Lady Godiva I came incognito   But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto   Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain       I don't know why they leave me in the lurch   To carry on the search   It's driving me up the wall   Pity when I have so much passion   Romance is out of fashion   Can't handle modern love at all      So I worship Diana by the light of the moon   When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune   In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa   She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer   Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain