searching for something    walking endlessly    for what seemed like days    and if you wait for me    ill wait for you    grasping to hold on to what i cant see    it is coming back    it seems that ive forgotten the way to continue on    this broken down road    push carry on    i wont pretend    that this is my life    hollow words make paranoid people back down    this is not this is not this is not control       i thought that i had control    i thought i could keep control    i thought i would want control    i thought id never lose control       theres no reason for this    just please forgive me       hoping for something    passing time with an endless trail of smoke    throat burns    choke on cigarettes    ashes fall and scatter    that old familiar blue glow    red eyes gaze    this is not this is not this is not control