oh my god there's scenesters everywhere   with their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts   why didn't the shins come to phoenix?   and why didn't (???) come to phoenix?      because the modified? is too small   and the marquis is too big   and the complex is rightfully dead   and the hipsters with their snide comments and aversion to applause      oh my god hardcore kids everywhere   with their hair gel and their color green   how do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong?      because their hair gel that they use isn't tested on animals   and their swallow tattoos are fucking lame   and cocaine is essentially vegan   and they don't give a fuck anyway   they're so vain, and yes, this song is about them      oh my god post-hardcore kids everywhere   with their violence and pomposity   so fucking straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness   and praying to a sideways cross   so urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor   they don't need to use a crutch 'cuz they've got the wheelchair      oh my god there's assholes everywhere   pretentious fucking assholes everywhere   oh my god there's assholes everywhere   pretentious judgemental assholes everywhere