I'm totally fucked up. I can barely speak. I'm totally fucked up.    They gave me so many drugs. But, uh... I'm gonna be here... Alright,    what we're talkin about here is... is kind of a...    it's a heartland feeling... like, uh, Mellencamp, you    know, kind of a Mellen feeling. Ok, what you gotta    get together is a... some... a heartland folk singer. Uh,    we're gonna need a real quick... uh, John Cougar Mellencamp,    Bruce Spingsteen, Bob Seeger... that type of feeling. A Mellen feeling.    You know, real, uh, powerful, approving music, uh... of a heartland quality,    uh, just powerful straight-forward music. And if you can't get just    the right type of feeling, find someone who will pass and change them.       Old man johnson got his head in his hand    Makin' his way across state in a fiddlin' band    With hair all down in his eyes    And the microphone all covered with flies    When he gets done playin, goes back to his room    Climbs in the bed in his cowboy boots    And he picks up a magazine, turns on the TV    Lights a cigar as he's fallin asleep       Well he's only a person    Who doesn't know shit    Yeah, nothin happenin    That's about it       Yeah       Well little Rosanna came from Texarkana    Had fourteen dollars wrapped in a bandana    Came into town not lookin for much    Well she found a hound dog and she named him Dutch    She got a job at the arcade takin' quarters    But she was never too good at takin' orders    So one night she stopped givin out change    She kicked the boss in the shin and unplugged the games       She's only a person    Who doesn't know shit    Nothin' happenin    That's about it       Ooo ooo    Yeah yeah yeah       Sam got canned at the cannery    He punched out the clock that night    His knuckle was bleeding as he walked home    He was cold and he had a headache    Well his wife was cookin canned beans    He took out all the money out of his jeans    And he set it on fire in the kitchen sink    As his wife handed him a drink       He was only a person    Who didn't know shit    Nothin happenin    That's about it       Oh yeah    Ooo ooo ooo       Smiler was lookin' for handouts    Sleepin' in an abandoned lighthouse    Down at the mini-mall shakin his hat    Washin' windows with his bare hand    He found a sports car    With the keys in the ignition    It just seemed so easy    He took a joyride, drove it into a hedge    Came out with the steering wheel wrapped around his head       Well he's only a person    Who doesn't know shit    Nothin happenin    That's about it    Ooo ooo yeah       Well Janie was born in a small town    Everybody just standin around    They had bingo games and the raffle    Everybody chewin tobacco    Well she grew up kinda restless    All her boyfriends wanted to be dentists    Well, she got a job at the truck stop    And she got old fast and never did what she wanted       She's only a person    Who doesn't know shit    Nothin happenin    That's about it       Yea yeah yeah    Oh yeah    [etc.]