i brought you back to life   saw your flesh turn the color of sand   and it still hurts as much this time   as it did when i hit the floor      in Kalamazoo i watched you turn off   it was all i could do to lift my eyes up      it wasn't me then   who took you to the edge   and watched you fall   it wasn't me then   testing your desire   by setting fire   to the House of Jupiter      you never said "the end"   only spoke to me through mercury   and i escaped the land   made my way toward history      and California kept me silent   and i find it so hard to stay this quiet      and i will never forget the way   i fell toward what you wanted   and seeing your demise was grand   but i still miss your hands   i still miss your hands      and now i'm flashing back   i see your eyes when they were learning me   and the way you held your breath   when i was naming the stars      but the new year brought too many changes   and you grew tired with my obsession with stages