The Soloists:   Whether you are pro or anti,   Or could not care less,   We are here to tell you   We are here to sell you chess.   Not a chance of you escaping   From our wiles,   We've locked the doors,   We've blocked the aisles,   We've a franchise worth exploiting   And we will, yes we will!   When it comes to merchandising   We could kill.      Female Soloists:   When you get up--      Male Soloists:   When you get up in the morning--      Soloists:   Till your bedtime book,   You will have to live your life   With bishop, knight, and rook.      Male Soloists:   Clean your teeth with   Checkered toothpaste,   Wear our vests.      Female Soloists:   Our kings, and queens   On bouncing breasts.      Soloists:   You could even buy a set,   And learn to play.   We don't mind,   We'll sell you something   Anyway.      We've done all   Our market research,   And our finding show   That this game of chess   Will be around a month or so.   Maybe it's a bit confusing   For a game,   But Rubik's cubes   Were much the same.      In the end   The whole world bought one--   All were gone,   By which time   We merchandisers   Had moved on!      By which time   We merchandisers   Had moved on!