Whether you are pro or anti   Or could not care less   We are here to tell you   We are here to sell you chess   Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles   We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles   We've a franchise worth exploiting   And we will - yes we will!   When it comes to merchandising   We could kill      When you get up -   When you get up in the morning   Till you crash at night   You will have to live your life   With bishop, rook and knight   Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste   Wear our vests   Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts   You could even buy a set   And learn to play   We don't mind we'll sell you something   Anyway         We've done all our market research   And our findings show   That this game of chess could be around   A month or so   Maybe it's a bit confusing   For a game   But Rubik's Cubes were much the same   In the end the whole world bought one   All were gone   By which time we merchandisers   Had moved on      By which time we had moved on!