I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself   Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself   I say baby, it ain't gonna suck itself   What 'chew waiting for? it ain't gonna suck itself      Well I flew out from Virginie on the very first day   I heard my record company exercise my pay to play   Went to see Mr. Lott but his assistant said no   "Security will escort you to the parking lot"      It was 102 degrees I was feeling kind of hot   So I walked across the street for one of those Mexican frozen popsicles   Couldn't buy just one so I bought myself a box   When I come back the assistant she's standing in the parking lot      No hard feelings do you want one of these?   But she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese   The security man walks up he helps himself to one   Coincidently Chinese and hot from standing in the sun      Then he helps himself to another he puts it in her hand   But she looks at it like it was a piece of crap   Or a dead and dying bird she didn't understand   So I was just trying to be helpful when I said...      Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself   Oh Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself   I beg to differ cousin, it should be, it ain't gonna lick itself   Ok we'll try it that way It ain't gonna lick itself      Well I'm standing in the parking lot waiting on my ride   His name is Jackson Haring and he's still inside   He went in through mailroom for some record company swag   But this Virgin Records there ain't shit to be had      And the halls they was empty because everyone was laid off   And he took a wrong turn ends up in the tape vault   Only one thing to do when you’re standing face to face   With the Sticky Fingers, Let It Be master tapes      You've got to stick them in the satchel and head on the down the hall   Saying these will go nicely with that Residents eyeball   Many years ago while working for Bill Graham Presents   A prop eyeball was stolen backstage from The Residents      And the rumor went around that Jackson was the thief   But that's neither here nor there and I was sitting in the jeep   Looking at the Sticky Fingers master tapes   My popsicle’s dripping on the seat so I throw it out the window   And it lands at the feet of Roy Lott      Hey Roy, it ain't gonna suck itself   Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself   And one time for the ladies, It ain't gonna lick itself   Ah Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself      Baby, it ain't gonna suck itself   Everyone at Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself   One for the ladies, it ain't gonna lick itself   What 'chew waitin' for, it ain't gonna suck itself      Mr. Lott, it ain't gonna suck itself   Everyone on Foothill Road, it ain't gonna suck itself   Just so we're not totally sexist, it ain't gonna lick itself   Virgin Records, it ain't gonna suck itself