The only way that I'll make the papers   These days is if I load a gun   And fire a bullet into my brain   But then again the hackneyed hacks      Will only write   I'm only jumping   Someone else's train   It's always the same      And I can't begin to tell you now   How many strange beds I have known   I was never one to kiss and tell   But I do have a scandal to sell      Didn't your mother tell you   Don't run with scissors?   You might just fall   And hurt yourself      They could impale you   So don't run with scissors   'Cause being stabbed   Is not good for your health   [Incomprehensible]      No, I won't confess all of my sins   'Cause some of my sins are your sins too   I'd rather die on my feet   Than live down on my knees      It's a dangerous game   Running with scissors   Wouldn't wish you to fall   And hurt yourself      It's such a crying shame   To see you running with scissors   But stabbing yourself   Is exactly what you deserve      So why don't you put the scissors down   Before you hurt someone?